They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
