There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
