Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize