can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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