mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
