If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
