Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize