He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
