So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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