She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
