i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
