You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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