I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
...so i touched it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
