I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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