I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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