I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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