I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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