Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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