Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
