Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
