well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
