how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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