Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
