You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
