Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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