I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
