She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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