Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
