the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
