she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
