I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
