I think I am morally bankrupt
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
