I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
