this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
