U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
