Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
