but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Rumble strips road head = magical
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
