I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
