I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
