so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We're too hungover to prance.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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