My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
