somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
