:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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