Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
