Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
