I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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