my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Found the puke drawer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
