Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That's when you crack a 10am beer
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize