In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
