Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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