that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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