I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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