smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
