idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
