i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
