Dude my mom stole all your condoms
zippers are such a cool invention
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
