Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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