im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
