So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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