I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize